And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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