I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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