Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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