I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
