Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize