I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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