I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
