after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
