really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize