i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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