I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
