we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I met the friendliest cop last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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