I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
