I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
