I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize