Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
