dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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