DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
