just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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