Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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