When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
