My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
