I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
