Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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