Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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