perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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