you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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