WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
