it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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