Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize