Got a toothbrush?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
