Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and she was petting her beer can
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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