Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

dude, your ex-bf is on match.com

(847): View more from Illinois

details on that.

(312): View more from Illinois

well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.

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(936): View more from Texas

I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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(513): View more from Ohio

Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word

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(940): View more from Texas

it's like heaven, but drunker

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

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(443): View more from Maryland

I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"

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(251): View more from Alabama

I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.

(1-251): View more from Alabama

It was totally the lead singer.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!

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