Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
