It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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