also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
