the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
