I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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