Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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