PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
