First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
