New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize