my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As shirtless as possible
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
