Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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