Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
