a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yo dont text me then not text me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
