What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
