You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
