Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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