I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
