My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
