A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
