There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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