Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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