Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
