my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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