He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
