YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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