oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
