I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
