Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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