just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
