Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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