then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
