What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
