watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
