hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize