There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
