Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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