i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
