After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
