you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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